Painting Again

It's been a while since I've painted. I can be a bit of a perfectionist, so I get pretty bound up. This is true in several areas of my life: when it gets too tightly wound - when reality or execution don't match my vision or expectation, I get frustrated. Neurotically so sometimes - frequently. Sometimes, I let the thing go. Sometimes I pursue it with zeal until there is a breakthrough - or til I kill it. Sometimes I try to limit my scope (like my palette color choices, number of times I call, space between calls - - oh yea, I'm talking about painting!), to reduce the possibility for frustration and neurosis. This rarely works.


I read something about paint  that is helping me both unwind a little and go forward. Paint has the ability to do two things: to depict something (realistically, abstractly, whatever...), and to be paint. The second one is the place I'm working from right now. I have a lot of ideas for things I want to depict, but I'm not ready. The best thing for me to do right now is just to paint, to enjoy painting, to enjoy learning and screwing up, building, tearing down & proceeding.

I have three colors, and black. I'm learning the possibilities of these colors & "letting them speak for themselves" as I go. On the more mystical side, it's an act of poverty and faith. Poverty of color and of "saying something"; faith that there will be (money to buy) paint and canvas for the process & that when it's time to say something, I'll be ready.