Impoverished

As a teenager I noticed how poverty brought certain benefits. People with money seemed rarely to notice small things and take joy in them. I decided at age 14 that no matter what, I wanted to cultivate a level of poverty that forced me to find joy on my path.

God has held me to that, calling me to ever-deepening levels of impoverishment.

Financial poverty is always uncomfortable as it creates anxieties about stability, provision, the ability to meet my responsibilities - let alone enjoyment and acceptance. But having grown up financially poor, and learning to appreciate its benefits has taught me to take all this in stride.

Lately God is asking me if I am willing to endure other types of poverty...

Poverty of place I need to let go of the possibility of travelling and living somewhere/anywhere else for a while. It's time to water the grass where I live, instead of looking for greener grass elsewhere.

Poverty of people In the same way, I need to invest in those around me. It's good to know that I have friends around the globe, but I can't chase after them at the expense of my neighbor who may need me here.

Poverty of impressiveness A stripping away is necessary to present a simplicity of person and purpose. I don't want who I am, or the level at which I operate, to be ambiguous to me or to anyone else. Crutches of achievement or apparent success need to go, or to be tempered with humility & unwillingness to be praised.

Poverty of will My prayers and desires need to be fully yielded to the God who knows me better than I know myself. He will meet my emotional and spiritual needs. This includes submitting to his will for other people as well, not holding on to them for my own purposes.

Poverty of wisdom I need to be more ready to listen than to offer advice. I need to be quiet. This includes spiritual poverty too - not thinking that my younger brothers and sisters, or unbelievers are on a lower rung of a ladder of spiritual achievement than I am by putting myself in the position of a guru instead of friend.

There needs to be a Poverty of ME.

Would God ask me to relinquish basic human needs in order to know him more fully and to find the small joys around me? Would he ask me to suffer the loss of accolades, relationships and identity in order to depend on him for one days' bread & to be found in him only?

"Blessed are the poor in spirit." ...May I enter the kingdom bereft of all but Christ.